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4. When we conclude that we were wrong in the past we need to admit it in the present.
My recent experience:
A number of years ago I struggled through the issues of divorce and remarriage.
I grew up spiritually in an environment that basically said there was no such thing as a Biblical divorce. In that day the churches and institutions that made up the constituency of "my kind" were mostly made up of a population that did not include the divorced. In society in general divorce was much less common, and in churches like the one where I grew up, the "D"-word was mostly absent. In a recent conversation a friend my age told me about a divorce that took place in the very traditional town of his youth. The man who divorced his wife had to leave the area because of the public shame his divorce brought him. There are some things we like about that. There are other aspects of that expression of public morality that are horribly toxic.
As a young pastor, I had to figure out what I believed & what I was going to teach. Part of my struggle stemmed from the fact that I was rejecting part of the teaching that my spiritual mentors had handed me. I won't go into details, but I concluded that the Bible made provision for 2 clear grounds for divorce. ( I still struggle in sorting out a third.) I saw that a Biblical divorce without the right to remarry is an animal that doesn't exist in the Bible's menagerie. It is clear to me that people who are divorced, even wrongly divorced, are not married, in the sight of God, or anywhere else. There is clearly an expression of grace in God's standard of the maintenance of marriage, and His graciousness can be seen as well in His provision for its dissolution. I could go on, but you get the idea. As was true with a great many other things I was taught, the gist of what was put before me was that adopting the most restrictive position was always the best decision. I reject that in general, and in particular in relation to this situation. As I say, all of this took place in my thinking decades ago.
Now the present:
Later this month, my son, a divorced man, who has spent the last several years pretty much single-handedly raising his 4 children, will marry a lovely young lady. One of the great honors of my life, is his invitation for me to stand with him as the "Best man." I put that in quotes, since my grandson will also stand with his dad, so I can't really be the best man. : )
On the wedding day, I will put on my tux--and other than regretting how much the rental is--I will stand with my son with great joy and clear conscience.
When you take the time to wrestle issues to the mat the result is a freedom and peace that can come no other way. Often we mistakenly look at Biblical ethics as nothing more than compiling a list of ways that Gods says "No!"
No. God also says "Yes," with no "buts."
I rejoice in that yes.
If God's word says it, I don't get to veto it. However it is valid to follow through on my conclusions as to what the Bible says, and ask concerning the application of what I conclude the Bible teaches, "Is this action consistent with what I understand about God and His will in the rest of scripture?"
Right now, I find that some difficult choices I made a couple of decades ago are bringing peace to my heart in relation to some things that are going on now in my family.
Check back in a day or two.